Gundam ShihoxYzak Style
by mistressinwaiting
Summary: -In which, Yzak knows something's wrong when Dearka actually hands in his work on time... "Captain, have you ever thought about working in a bathhouse and changing your name to Haku?"
1. Shiho, the Man-Killer?

-In which, Dearka knows something is wrong when he passes Yzak's office and he hears Shiho Hahnenfuss yell, "I will DESTROY your peanut, Commander!"

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**Hello, peoples. I am proud to say this is my 54th fanfic and my 1st ever _Gundam _fanfic. The credit for the basis of these drabbles goes to my sisters who have gotten hooked onto the show (well, actually, they just got hooked onto the YzakxShiho fandom so yeah…). **

**WARNING! Characters may be a _bit _OC.**

**And also, yeah, ignore the so uncreative name of the story.**

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°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°

❤❀~Shiho, the Man-Killer?~❀❤

°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°

It is a normal day, a normal day indeed for Dearka Elsman of the Le Creuset Team of ZAFT. Yep. _Normal._ Normal as _can be_. Yep… Normal. _NORMAL._ Normal which translates to _BORING._ Yep, _so _normal and boring, in fact, that our dear Dearka has decided to turn in his late paperwork, paperwork that should have been turned in, like, maybe . . . two _weeks_ ago? Yep… So normal and boring that he's decided to stop procrastinating. Yep. Yeah. _Yeah…_ Hm, maybe Yzak _won't_ kill him for turning in _really_ late paperwork… Yeah… Well, that might not happen, but our _dear_ Dearka can hope, can't he?

And it is on this normal day that he's decided to go to his commander's office like any _good_ subordinate would. _And_ with joybuzzers in his hand, _just_ in case. Yeah… He should have gone with a frying pan. Frying pans are effective. After all, a whole guard force has changed their weaponry to frying pans, so it just goes to show that cooking housewives _do_ have wonderful weapons _besides_ chopping knives. But then again, that guard force was trained by a noble steed of all . . . err, animals…

Anyway, Dearka is just outside of his commander's office and is just about to knock when he hears the most _scarring_ sentence of his life.

"I _will DESTROY_ your peanut, Commander!"

Yep, _very_ scarring. And it's even _more_ scarring that that sentence is coming out of Shiho Hahnenfuss's mouth. Yep… _So_ scarring…

"Not if _I_ have any *beep* thing to say about it! You're going down, you mini-skirted sailor-suited *beep*!"

Oh, god, Dearka's innocent ears! Well, actually, he's heard worse from Yzak—tsk, tsk, and he kisses his mother with that mouth? Poor Ezalia Joule…—but _still_! Yzak's _never_ said anything like that to _Shiho_ before! Sweet, sweet, innocent Shiho… Oh, the poor thing must be in tears by now.

"Oh, for that, I'm going to whip you into oblivion!"

Dearka takes that back. Shiho's _not_ crying! _She's_ the master here! Oh, god, _and_ they're doing naughty things in the office! OH _GOD_! The _office!_ The office where Dearka has to go in to report to Yzak _every_ morning of _every_ day! Oh, _god_! Dearka doesn't _think_ he'd be able to stand in that office without remembering this somewhat loud and _not_ private (at least, not anymore) foreplay.

"Oh, yeah? You think you have what it takes, Hahnenfuss? Go on, _try_ and rip apart my peanut—"

"ENOUGH!" Dearka yells as he slams open the door and barges into the office. "I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE OF YOU TWO'S DIRTY FOREPLAY! I—" He stops speaking when he realizes the scene before him is not what he had imagined.

There, sitting on the floor are his commander and Shiho Hahnenfuss with Game Cube controllers in their hands. The TV's on, oddly with a paused scene of Sailor Venus about ready to rip off the head of a peanut monster with her Venus Love-Me Chain.

"Is there something _wrong_, Dearka?"

Uh-Oh… Commander Yzak does _not_ sound happy.

"And what was it you said? Dirty _foreplay_?"

Shit, Dearka was screwed… _So_ screwed… So _very_ screwed… Hm, maybe now _isn't_ the best time to give in the late paperwork…

Oh, _well_, at least, Dearka's still got his joybuzzers.

✿°. ·∴続ける∴· .°✿

°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°

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**So . . . um . . . yeah . . . review if you _didn't_ find this suckish.**


	2. Dearka, a HakuChihiro Shipper?

-In which, Yzak knows something's wrong when Dearka actually hands in his work on time

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**Hello, peoples. I am back with a new idea for this story! I hope you enjoyed the first chapter, and hopefully you guys will like this one too. I had writer's block for the longest of times, but my sisters gave me a little prompt of having one of the characters watch _Spirited_ _Awa__y_, and so this baby came to life. Please enjoy!**

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°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°

❤❀~Dearka, a HakuChihiro shipper?~❀❤

°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°

It is a good day today, a pretty good day indeed for our dear Captain Yzak Joule. A good day. Yep, yep, a _very_ good day. A very _very_ good day. Why, you ask? Why is it such a good day for Captain Yzak Joule? Well, for starters, today when he woke up, he didn't wake up at 4 AM like he usually does whenever Kira and Athrun get on his nerves, and so he had a very refreshing good night's sleep. And then, he ran into his sweetheart Miss Shiho Hahnenfuss and, since no one was around, he gave her a great big kiss on the cheek. And now, his usually procrastinating subordinate Dearka Elsman has handed his work on time for _once_! Yep, yep! This is a good day for Yzak Joule. A good day in—wait a minute, wait just a _darn_ minute!

Dearka . . . _Dearka Elsman_ has actually turned in work on time? This just can't be happening! It can't be! Why, it's the equivalent of a coming apocalypse! Anyone else can hand in work on time, but not Dearka Elsman! No, not him! There is just no way he's handing work in on time! Maybe he was handing in work from months ago and disguising them as today's paperwork! Or maybe he was Kira in disguise trying to plan his downfall! Or maybe, just maybe . . .

_Oh no! _Yzak panicked in his mind. _What if my mother paid him to hand me the papers for my engagement with Shiho? Oh, no! What if he_ read_ them?__ No! Keep calm, Yzak, keep calm. You're just overreacting. Maybe he really did do his paperwork... Okay, that wouldn't happen in a million years, so start panicking! He must have read the papers and is planning on telling everyone on the whole damn ship about it! NOO! I can't have that! I can't! I—_

"Uh . . . Captain, may I ask you something?"

Yzak gulped and tried to sound as normal as can be. "Y-yes?" Crap, a stutter. Now Dearka's bound to be suspicious. "What . . . what is it?"

"Well, I hope you don't mind me asking this, but . . ."

_Oh, no, here it comes. All the sexual innuendos and the never-ending jokes and—_

"Have you ever thought about working in a bathhouse and changing your name to Haku?"

_Wait... _"What the Hell are you talking about, Dearka?" As of this moment, Yzak wasn't worried or paranoid anymore. He was starting to lose his temper. Key word, starting to. Luckily for our dear Dearka, Yzak was using the anger management technique he learned from Shiho.

"Well, I mean, you _do_ have the hairstyle for the role, Captain. If only you dyed your hair a nice dark jade green and wore steel green contacts then you'd be perfect, Captain!"

"_Perfect_?" Yzak asked thoroughly confused. "For _what_?"

"For the role of Haku from _Spirited Away_, duh!"

"..." Yzak could only stare at Dearka as if the boy had grown an extra head. Okay, so maybe the apocalypse wasn't coming yet, but still Dearka was getting dumber with each word he spoke.

"Come on, Captain! You have to hurry! I already sent Shiho on her way! You need to get ready! And—"

"Dearka?"

"Yes, Captain?" The blonde remained oblivious to his friend's fury.

"What have I told you about shipping OTPs?"

"Uh . . . that shipping is okay as long as I keep my thoughts to myself?"

"Correct. And do you remember what happened the last time you didn't listen to my advice?"

"Well, if I may say so, Captain, SasuSaku is a hard ship to ship. I mean, if I had known all that bleach and pink hairdye was going to create such a mess then I never would have—"

"Dearka?"

"Yes, Captain?"

"Do you remember what I told you last time when your shipping war got out of hand, hm?"

"Uh . . . you told me to run, Sir."

"Yes, yes, I did. And so . . . do you know what I want you to do now, Dearka?"

"Uh . . . run, Sir?"

"You have a five-second head start."

And it was safe to say that, on this good day, Yzak forgot how to count time and, in a split-second after he gave Dearka his head start, he went after the blonde with the joybuzzer he had confiscated from Dearka just a week ago and the taser gun he had confiscated just a week and a half ago.

Meanwhile... In an old, abandoned town full of old restaurants...

"AH!" Shiho Hahnenfuss's cries could be heard. "MIGUEL, RUM! WHY ARE YOU TURNING INTO PIGS? AND HEINE, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING THAT MASK AND EATING EVERYONE?"

✿°. ·∴続ける∴· .°✿

°∴✿° ·°✿∴° .·°∴°·. °∴✿°· °✿∴°

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**So . . . like it?**


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